12: Truth
Given the title, you might think that this post is about something that I have come to realize about the world, or maybe I have an idea that I think has to be true in my mind if not anyone else’s.
The truth is that Ex Tenebris is all about the thoughts, ideas, and experiences that have shaped my life. This blog is what it is, and the reason for this particular post is for me to insist that there is a difference between truth and reality.
Yes, it is a bit philosophical, but bear with me. Truth is the combination of what we observe and what we experience whose source is the external world. Reality is the indecent source that we observe and experience that creates truth. The problem I have with this is that one’s observational skills and thus their experiences can be altered by all sorts of things leading to a different truth than others may have.
Recently I have learned that something I thought to be true was anything but, and that the reality of the situation did not hold any value, certainty, or cantonment for anyone else but me. As you can imagine, it was an extremely frustrating and painful experience.
Reality came crashing in like the Kool-Aid Man and turned what I thought I knew all around. I honestly felt betrayed and started to doubt nearly everything connected to that truth I had believed. I became partly silent for at least two days as I reevaluated everything I could remember concerning this revelation of mine.
My Abbreviated Thoughts
NOTE: Everyone thinks differently, and I am confident that the way I think can be relatable while still having some leaps in the logic chain. I call this My Abbreviated Thoughts because the detailed version contains names and events, but this one does not.
An individual’s truth has to be fairly subjective due to the nature of how they observe and process information. Yes, there is nothing easy or simple about being confronted with information that has opened your eyes to reality, but it is what it is and you cannot unknow it or force others to change their minds. It is okay to be slightly delusional, but that would be taking it too far.
Your current problem is how to treat all the memories affected by this new information. In the future, you will be reminded of what you have just lost, and you will experience the same pain, frustration, loss, and anger you feel right now.
All emotions are as valid as they come, the way you feel cannot be avoided, but at the same time, you do not want your feelings to consume you. Emotions are meant to be experienced, but they are a raw source of energy that should be channeled into things that are less destructive to you or anyone else. So, you know that you are going to write about this, but writing will not do anything for those memories that were essentially based upon a lie.
Think about it, those memories have influenced your life, they might feel fake or like a waste of time right now, but they were real to you. There is a way to use those memories without letting them become something that will change who you want to be, but it will take a decisive choice on your part.
First, you have to come to terms with the fact that you cannot know everything no matter how much you wish it were different, and with this fact firmly set in your mind, you have to be aware that something like your revelation can happen again.
Now, take the time to honestly look at the memories that you are questioning. Remember them for what they are, and not for what you have now judged them to be. Those memories are real, you experienced every moment of them, and the only person who can take them away or diminish them is you.
If you know what it is you are looking for then use these memories as a reference to find it again. No, it will not be the same, but it does not have to. The reality of any given situation is that they are always changing; nothing is ever the same as it was before, but that does not mean that what may come will not be even better when you find it. The choice to do this is not easy, but it does appeal to what you plan to do.
Conclusion
Believe it or not, that was the string of thought if you can call it that, that brought me out of a darker place than even I am normally found in. I do not mind telling you that there were plenty of thoughts that spun off in all sorts of directions, and I am okay with this because, at the end of it all, I know what type of person I want to be.
Reality does not make decisions; it is observable and at times can be predictable; it is the foundation for the truth we build upon, it makes no choices, but you do. There are too many examples of how people take all the disappointing aspects of what they believe to be true and then use them to justify nearly anything.
I am of the mind that reality is neither good nor bad, it just is. People make choices and regardless of whether you like those choices or not, you are capable of making the choices that are right for you.
Benjamin Disraeli wrote, “I am prepared for the worst, but hope for the best.” This quote should be one of life’s greatest lessons. I admit that there is a well-measured amount of that proverbial darkness within me. Preparing for the worst is something that I will always do, but hope is what drives me to seek, learn, grow, and eventually find what I am looking for, and that is all the truth I sincerely need. Until next time, I am Nolan Ex Tenebris.
