11: Is it Darkness?

At some point during your life, if it has not happened already, you will experience the darkest moments of your existence, and you might not even recognize it for what it is until that point in time has passed.

Our minds are often geared to attend to what is happening around us while taking glances of distant things so that we can be aware while navigating life. There are events, choices, and circumstances that lead to not being able to see the horizon of life; this can also cause even the things we normally deal with to seem overly daunting and loom over us casting shadows that consume the light while press upon us in such a way that even the strength of Atlas could not possibly withstand the weight.

What I just wrote sounds like depression, and while I chose to use fairly dramatic words, the underlying thought process behind depression and those dark moments in life all come from the same source. It is the inability to see beyond the moment; not knowing where you are because there is nothing to compare things to, and every choice you have never quite seems to lead in the direction you want to go. This state of mind is where nothing is everything and everything feels so far away.

I usually refer to this pivotal point of thought as The Void or The Abyss. This is when you are at what could be ground zero of a choice. This is that dark moment that can determine many things in one's life. After all, it is difficult to find a path that will lead you out of a place that provides nothing for you to navigate by.

The Void is where choices are made with only what you have at hand, and it does not help when things like isolation, fear, pain, or loneliness act as the chains that bind you to that dark location. In this case, being alone in the dark is a state of mind that everyone faces.

While many people often view The Abyss as something that can unravel the most solid of individuals, the truth is that this moment can be defined as a lack of options, indication, instinctual reaction, or resignment, but The Abyss is also defined by other words that some people may not agree with.

I know that navigating those dark passageways both physically and metaphorically is not an easy thing to do. That fear of what is seemingly unknowable to us is what forms that nearly impenetrable shroud that can prevent someone from taking that next step or change that could put them on a brighter path. As daunting and critical as those dark moments can be to how your life moves forward, it might be surprising to know that there are people who the moment of The Void each day.

Both prayer and meditation can bring you to The Void, that state of mind where nothing is everything you are looking for and everything feels distant yet manageable. I know it might sound like the darkness I have been referring to has nothing to do with prayer or meditation, but they are just on the other side of the same coin. One side is pressed upon you by circumstances while the other is sought-after. Both lead to a still moment right before a decision is made, and it is all over it will change you. The only difference is how you arrived. The will to endure or overcome what happens after The Void is within everyone.

Whatever the circumstance you find yourself in the fact of the matter is that you possess the ability to find your way. If people did not have the drive to endure and adapt to whatever life sends our way, we would have become extinct long before we started to use fire.

Whoever is reading this is the decedent of people who have lived through things that the modern world can only experience in their nightmares, and within you is that same power of perseverance. Your mind is made to create a solution where there was not one before, and that includes a way to banish the dark things that come your way.

While the mind is strong enough to allow us to not just live but thrive all across the world, the fact of the matter is that this accomplishment was not done by a single person. Learning just to survive the elements took an effort that only a team, family, group, clan, tribe, or community could accomplish. You can fill in that list with whatever word you deem worthy, but it all comes down to the act of surviving, and that is never truly done alone.

That being said, there is no shame in getting help when what you are facing is overwhelming. The stigma of receiving help regardless of whether that help comes from a person with a medical degree or not is a delusional idea that is supported by the even more dilutional concept of perfection. In this case, even these two ideas need each other to work.

I hate to spoil it for you, but no one is perfect. I just lied, I do not hate, and I spoiled nothing. It is a fact that no one is perfect, and no one does anything entirely on their own. If you cannot see the truth in that, then you are truly in the darkest of places, and I hope that you do find the strength that only absolute trust can bring to find the light that you desperately need.

 When I write my blog posts, I ask myself what makes me qualified to write about any of the things I have written or will write, and my answer is fairly consistent. It is not for money, fame, or even ego. I write this blog because of that six-year-old I once was who sat alone crying in fear of the darkness that seemed to reach for him no matter where he looked; I write for the freedom to express myself in a manner that I deem worthy, and I write because I have claimed my darkness.

 There are things we can see and things we cannot, darkness is the metaphor we apply to things when we simply just do not understand. There is no darkness, you are just a point of view away from seeing the light that is always around you. Until next time, I am Nolan Ex Tenebris.

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11.5: Interlude 11: Prolationem

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10.5: Interlude 10: Prolationem